Unpacking Feelings
25th June 2019
So here we are. Three days of packing and moving are ahead of us. Warrington will no longer be our home. Our jobs are our day-to-day no more. Some people might say it is sad we are moving on. But actually, none of this has been making us happy for the past two years. We actually struggled to convince ourselves this is our home. And there is no point of hiding these feelings. If anything, in order to move on, we have to own up to them.
Yes, it is overwhelming that we have to pack everything into boxes. Yes, it is hard to think we have to do our best to not leave a trace of our lives in this place. Humans are creatures of habit. We love what we know and we fear the new - a simple defence mechanism. But also we are blessed to be aware of life enough to want to step beyond it and make a change.
So no, I am not sad. I am extremely excited. As Nic said after months of sitting and waiting now a huge wave will release. A sequence of actions after the boredom. I don’t think we are even going to realise how we got to the point of being married.
On my last workday yesterday someone told me: “Good luck with your new life!”. Thank you, I intend to make it brand new.
***
27th June 2019
A month to the wedding.
The second day of packing.
First day of moving out.
It is weird to see how suddenly unattached I have become to all of my belongings; to the home, we made in this flat; basically to my two to five years of life.
I honestly thought this will be an overwhelming struggle like it was last time two months ago*. But it isn’t. It is extremely tiring and a bit endless but not emotionally exhausting at all.
I think knowing I will be substituting all of this for Bulgaria, wedding and travelling is making me so excited and impatient that it is numbing my connection to the past. Which I believe is a good thing.
We have one more day to go and as usual, I am getting travel anxiety. Oh, how I wish travelling was easier and airlines were more about convenience than money. But that is life. All I think about is how many times I will have to repack in the next few months. #nightmare.
*About the stressful “two months ago” you can read here.
***
I guess I never wrote on day 3. Who can blame me - it is way too overwhelming to realise 24 hours before your flight that Ryanair Priority is actually limited and you can’t always get it so now you have to pay to check-in a bag… Airlines, right?
It is about a month and a half since we moved out and as expected it feels great. This is what I wrote yesterday:
“14th August 2019
It feels odd to be constantly in and out of Warrington, passing the flat and yet never going there. I never had much attachment to it. As Nic said we never made huge memories in it. And even so, I feel like it is something that belonged to me but doesn’t anymore. A feeling that I didn’t have with our Sheffield places. Maybe it’s because it has so far been the only household run by me. Because I had full control over it and now I will not get back that feeling for a long while.
Well, nevermind that. I feel much stronger about what is to come. I know I keep saying how excited I am but that’s because there isn’t much else I can do about it. Until we get on the plane on the 5th September my feelings of excitement are all I can share. Although Cologne shouldn’t be too boring ;).”
Stay Vivid,
Vassya